To put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.
~Hunter S. Thompson~
I was wrong.
I still have a few more existential crises in me it seems.
This is why I have been missing for a couple of weeks. I can’t tell how much longer I’m gonna have these paralyzing “why do I suck at life?” moments but I am determined to reduce my recovery time so that it doesn’t affect my work, cause, you know, the world keeps moving. So shetani ashindwe etc etc.
I did find a perfect depression soundtrack though, in the form of Mazzy Star.
This 90s alt-rock outfit made moody, moody, MOODY music. Wikipedia calls it Paisely Underground and describes it as “an early genre of alternative rock, based primarily in Los Angeles, California, which was at its most popular in the mid-1980s. Paisley Underground bands incorporated psychedelia, rich vocal harmonies and guitar interplay in a folk rock style”.
I describe it as hauntingly gorgeous.
You might know Mazzy star for their semi-succesful hit, Fade into you. It was in a ton of late 90s romcoms. Remember it?
Anyway, I stumbled upon it and subsequently upon their full albums. God bless the YouTubes.
Vocalist Hope Sandoval sings like it’s always a rainy, black and white afternoon in her world and the guitars slowly carry her gauzy, unaware voice like a motorcade of exquisite shiny black hearses. Sad as it all feels, it is weirdly soothing. It cradled me into a snug little ball of self-pity. If you are in the same state I am in, you have to be careful cause its beauty will trick you into thinking that your downers are somewhat artistic, and you could be there for days…just occupying space.
But never mind me and my identity crisis. Listened to objectively, the music is evocative and stunning. Get a piece.